Matrimonial vows- bride, groom, and the constitution

Marriages and the dark side of it. I want everybody to get it straight, that talking of anything that is not openly spoken in the society is neither a sign of getting off track nor getting unnecessary attention.

It’s just making oneself comfortable that it is okay to be discussing this. The best help anybody could do to the other is listen, just lend you ear.

Marriage is beautiful. It is the best part of one’s life. It is a new beginning that has got amazing things in store. I believe in this institution of marriage and love the fact of being one’s wife, someday.

But as every coin has 2 sides, the brighter side is the best. It’s all about the sweet, sour, bitter, spicy shades that we would cherish.

But the darker side of the marriage just gets dirty with time and ruins the peace in the vicinity. If one had really got into that soup, it can get bitter, quite opposite to the start of it.

Failing in marriage is organic. If one knew that it wouldn’t be a happy journey, they wouldn’t have got married. It is as natural as losing in a competition. The society has stereotyped this concept and that is why people don’t speak about it.

I do not understand the prevailing stigmas in society, irrespective of how sensible they are. Talking of which, marital rape is the most common but remains to be the untold story of most married women.

I’ve seen people who talk a lot to prove to the world, but when it comes to matters in their vicinity, their thoughts take a drift. The basic responsibility of a cognizant citizen is to be well-receiving of sensitive topics like this.

A decade ago, even rape was a stigma; but one Nirbhaya case changed the face of it. God forbid such cases should ever happen again, but why don’t we want a change with vigilance, we always want something outrageous and spicy for the media.

It still remains outside criminal law and is widely tolerated in many countries. And it’s shocking to know about how ‘divorce’ is highly stigmatised, not just in India, but also in many Latin America countries.

The word ‘CONSENT’ is very important, whether it is in a legally married relation or in any other form. But the society has standardised this rule that once married, it becomes the right of the spouse and cannot be criminalised.

This often can be witnessed in child, forced and abusive marriage.

Like obviously, people have got the right to express and can call this a feminist approach. I mean receiving such a salutation, isn’t disrespectful.  To remind them, men do get raped.

This is all about the wrong practice and isn’t about the gender, but the feminine is the most affected in 98% cases and you can’t deny it. Of course, you can say that the masculine is more dominant and strong enough to not get victimized in this, but we can’t question god’s creation. In fact, we can’t question humans for building such a patriarchal society. Such funny bones!

Like how can one expect to be completely romantic in the night, while you don’t fail in abusing the other one throughout the day? Abuse here can be physical, verbal or emotional.

I’m pretty sure, 98% of the readers in my circle of friends and family will have a rejecting opinion upon this subject and feel it is unnecessary for me to talk about it; because they come from happy marriages and this isn’t torched to them.

I am talking of those 2% women who are a victim of this implicit phenomenon. Most of the compromise as their birthright and allow their husbands to be superior to them, while the rest who have gathered the courage and strength to voice and fight against this ended up in vain.

Let me be brutally honest with you all. The problem lies in Indian society, which is firstly patriarchal and secondly overshadowed by the underlying taboo topics. We are entitled to freedom of expression with terms and conditions.

If any person wants to be that change and talk about any one of such topics, he/she is labeled to be a dark spot in the society, not valuing the cultures and traditions or spreading negativity in the society, which is absolute bullshit.

Just to remind you all the Indian constitution holds no place for marital rape and its punishment. Section 375 of IPC considers forced sex in marriages only if the wife is below the age of 15 years; which means this section explicitly allows a man to rape his adult wife.

Women who are victims of marital rape have to take recourse to the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (2005). It is a loophole in the constitution and has to be amended with immediate response.

It is necessary for us to be vigilant about the laws and sections involved because if we look at the annual statistics reported; 66% of women experience sexual violence, but only 10% of them actually report. Often it just doesn’t end there; it is extended with physical violence too. 

The causes and consequences of such brutal acts are yet another story, but it’s high time everybody realises what is happening around them. Only for the fact that our nation is developing in the fields of science and technology, I see no evolution in the narrow-minded thinking of people.

We talk about safer India, allowing women to walk all alone on the roads in the night and that is how we look at secularism and sovereignty. But question yourselves, how many of you can vouch for the fact that every woman can be safe at home too.

Talking of laws, the legalised age for marriagesin india is 18 for girls and 21 for boys. But to what extent is this being implemented; are people actually adhering to this law? Most of us are in the cities and are in this false notion that our culture is urbanised.

But NO! Just go and visit the small villages in the outskirts of your cities you’ll be a witness to 1000s of such atrocities. This goes without being said that CHILD MARRIAGE is the major cause of marital rape. Irrespective of gender, even tender boys get married at a young age.

Those tender minds are neither aware of sex education nor have a decent upbringing.

Of course, change isn’t something that can be brought overnight. But the initiation for the change can be instant. There has to be a massive review over the judiciary and introduce stringent laws and punishments for disobedience of the same.

Unity isn’t just about voicing our opinion against the wrong doings, it also is portrayed in standing together for a change.

So let’s stand together and be a part of a positive phenomenon.